I know! I know! I am not working so you would think that I would have plenty to share right? Well .. to be honest, I am not even sure who or where I am in my life at this point.
First off before I begin, please know that it is not my normal self to be negative and I am not trying to be, but if I don't get these thoughts out of my head they will eat me alive. I am not sharing for sympathy, I am not sharing for anything other then getting this mess out of my head so that maybe I can begin to uncover who and where I am right now.
Back in May when my dream job was presented to me I was ecstatic! I just knew God has been hearing my heart's cry and was leading me to a new journey. I guess in some ways He still is just not so clearly. I felt like finally we were getting a break. As many of you have known, we have been on a financial roller coaster since October. This was going to be my break and the first open door in our home to fixing the cracks in our finances. The day I turned in my resignation I felt like the ceiling had lifted and I could do anything. The world was all of a sudden an open book! My husband and my parents told me how proud they were and that this was an amazing opportunity. We knew there would be a delay and let me tell you I was okay with that. It gave me time to get a few things done that needed to be done first. In that time my husband started a new job so we thought wow! This is going to be a really good summer! And here we are.... nearing the end of July and I am still unemployed. Many delays had popped up and nothing that could be fixed by any particular person (not on my end). The job offer is still there but with no clear start date. So, in the meantime the only thing I know to do is fill out applications left and right. I don't want to ~ but what if that door never opens?
Here is how I truly feel right now:
1. Ashamed. I feel like something is wrong with me ~ and I am the cause of the delay and non responsive applications.
2. Hurt. In some ways I feel like God is punishing me for something.
3. Worried. Bills don't stop!
5. Like I have no purpose
My inner self asked me last week "Now that you are no longer a teacher ~ what is your purpose in this life?". It devastated me drastically because I have no answer. I don't know what my purpose is anymore. Writing this all out makes me just feel so alone.
I don't like feeling like my life is out of control and yet.. here it is.. completely in an uproar. Thankfully my relationships with my husband and family are good but that is about all that is.
YES, I put value and find my worth in who I am in this world. In my career. In what I can bring to this world of value. And right now ~ because I am not working I truly feel like I have no value to offer and it stinks!
Sunday, June 11, 2017
Happy Sunday! I wanted to share with you all an amazing process that I have been going through this week, and the results of that process. But first in "sweet word sunday" format, lets find out what "unstuck" means.
Unstuck is quite the funny word. And some traditionalists may even say it isn't even a real word or one might could pick a better one but oh my! Unstuck is defined in two ways. The first is being freed or loosened from being fastened. (Woah) The second is being out of order, control, or coherence; undone. (Double Woah!)
Now, as many of you know, as a Teacher I have become accustomed to Summers off which lends to many weeks of time to get those big projects around the house done before the start of a new year. I like to tackle those things early in June so that I am freed up to do other things in July and early August. You also know that I am no longer a teacher, but however have been given a few weeks off between that career and my next. So of course I am going to stick to my normal tradition of getting those things long put off taken care of, but I was feeling so stuck. I have mentioned before about our home situation and how it is so different right now from anytime the husband and I have been together. (That is 25 years worth of time). In that time in the summer where I am used to tackling those projects, I am also used to him being at work, not at home.
I am not sure if I shared in a blog post here, or on a video on the YouTube channel, but when your used to having time alone in your home to get things done and taken care of ~ and that time is instantly gone, you have to learn how to adapt. For me, it has taken a few weeks.
I am not a normal procrastinator or a common clutter bug but there are a few areas that really become a disaster by the of the school year. Our Master Bedroom closet and the garage are two of the biggest. This week I tackled both of those on the same day and it gave me such an elated feeling. I felt like I had been stuck in time... doing nothing for a couple of weeks, that to get those things taken care of made me feel energized and like something indeed had been loosened in my life. Perhaps it was a false belief that I can only be productive if I am alone. Perhaps it is a false belief that I should only be a busy little bee when my husband is working. Or maybe just maybe, some bitterness, fear, anxiety was loosened and released because those things are simply just paralyzing on their own ~ let alone when you feel them mixed together.
Oh but the rewards! Let me tell you something I discovered, and why I never noticed before I have no idea! But as soon as I began to really get these things taken care of ~ things I knew needed to be done but I purposely kept putting off simply because I didn't want to do them ~ something would break loose in other areas of my life. it was like each project I tackled opened up the door of opportunity, greatness, or even just hope. Do you want to know what it taught me? It taught me that I was spending a whole heck of a lot of time putting things off ~ when all I was doing was putting off blessings that could be bestowed on me, my family, or those I love.
If you find that you are being held back in life, let go of the fear, let go of the excuses and above all, let go of the procrastination! They really are holding you back, and leaving you stuck! It's time to get unstuck and the only person that can do that for you, is you!
"Whatever you do, work heartily, as for the Lord and not for men, knowing that from the Lord you will receive the inheritance as your reward. You are serving the Lord Christ."
And with that, I wish you all a very lovely Sunday & amazing week as you let go of those things that are leaving you stuck and feeling like you can't put one foot in front of the other. You can do it!
Thursday, June 8, 2017
Today I wanted to share a message that I shared for a local church for their "Mother & Daughter Tea" that they had for Mother's Day. It was a lovely event and I am thankful that I had the opportunity. This was a personal message that was given to me on the way to work one morning that began a transformation deep within me, deep in my heart and helped me get over something that was keeping me from being the best wife and mother I could possibly be. I was honored that day, to share it with my own daughter and she too got to hear the message that one day will encourage her when she too is a mother and wife.
A while back I shared a topic on YouTube that was given to me through heartache and frustration. And it was simply that we as women are the thermostats to our home! I will link that video here because I did touch a bit on that topic while I shared what I learned about glue.
The week leading up to this lovely tea, I was in turmoil. I was fighting a lot of negative emotions not only from work, but from home too. And to be honest, they were self inflicted. That Tuesday I had a terrible attitude about everything. Nothing made me happy and I was just not fun to be around. I didn't even want to be around me. Have you ever had those days where you just get on your own nerves? Oh my! As a mom and wife, we tend to be the one that keeps things spinning. We pick up from practices keep laundry clean, keep the house picked up, and some of us even work outside the home while doing it all. I felt like I was the glue holding our family together. In fact that seems to be a running misconception among many women. I call it a lie of the world. I knew this was NOT right and I could not do it anymore. That next morning on the way to work ~ God had a "come to Jesus" meeting with me and reminded me that *I* was not the glue that held anything together. Proof of that was how I was feeling like my life was falling apart.
I marinated on that through the day, and while I got an aha ~ and was able to let go of the lie that I had been believing, I knew that if this was what He told me, I would find it in His word and I did!
For in him all things were created: things in heaven and on earth, visible and invisible, whether thrones or powers or rulers or authorities;all things have been created through him and for him. 17 He is before all things, and in him all things hold together. Colossians 1:16-17 NIV
We are NOT the glue. Our husbands are NOT the glue. Jobs and careers are NOT the glue even in our finances because God is God & He is bigger than any situation that comes up. God is the glue that holds things together. He never changes. We cannot be the glue because we change in the blink of an eye. When we do try to be the glue, our best is like water soluble glue that can appear to have the strength, but will eventually dessenigrate and anything it was holding will eventually come crashing down. That is how I felt on that Tuesday until on the way to work.
4 Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! 5 Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. 6 Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. 7 And the peace of God,which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
8 Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. 9 Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me—put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you. Philippians 4: 4-9 NIV
What stands out to me, is "Let your gentleness be evident to all". The definition of gentleness is the quality of being kind, tender, or mild mannered. It also means softness of action or effect. If you are anxious, you cannot be gentle. If you are tying to be the glue when you were not intended to be the glue, you cannot be gentle.
Remember, you are the thermostat to your safe haven of your home. You are the one God created to be gentleness in a harsh world. You are the one to give softness when life gets hard. You however, were not created to hold everything together nor spin plates all day everyday. Lighten up on yourself, let the load go, and watch what God can do in you and your family's life. I promise it is beautiful!