Saturday, April 25, 2009

Everything about me is changing

Everything about me is changing lately. In one of my latest blog posts, I shared that this past week was a hard week for me. I think alot of it is because I am changing, due to weightloss and lack there of.

I am wanting to expand who I am, and what I do in my normal everyday life. I can feel me, growing in many ways, and yet afraid to let the "wings" expand and fly. I am finally at a point in my weightloss journey where it is either do or die. (not really die) Simply put I either need to poop, or get off the pot. I need to begin losing or just be happy where I am.

To be honest, I can't be happy where I am. If this is where my body is the "happiest" it is about to get unhappy. I figure it was just "taking vacation" or something, but guess what. Vacation's over. I need to finish what I started, because I am not done.

I feel myself wanting to withdrawl from many things that are "normal" for me. Blogging isn't one of them, but reading alot of blogs I used to is. I don't care about the latest cookie recipe anymore, and well.. my focus is just not where it was a year ago. It isn't where it was six months ago either. It is hard to explain this "season" I am going through. I don't know if it even has anything to do with my weightloss or not. But something is most definately going on with me. I find myself wanting to "hide", or just not talk to anyone. And other times I can talk one's ear off. It feels like a very vicious cycle to be on, and I can't explain it any other way.

This whole post is just a jumbled mess. Not it's usually neat and orderly manner, in which I like to write. Sorry bout that. It is what it is today.

1 comment:

  1. Quote: "I am wanting to expand who I am, and what I do in my normal everyday life. I can feel me, growing in many ways, and yet afraid to let the "wings" expand and fly."

    It's funny (well, powerful is a better word than funny) that our church sermon yesterday was kinda about the same thing. To make it short, I'll give you something that he said that struck me as odd at first, but really makes a whole lot of sense:

    "I don't want to die old. I want to die empty." He explains that he'd rather die knowing that he gave this life all that he could, utilizing every good work that the Lord had given him, every potential talent, every good deed, all that was in him (or potentially in him) and to die empty. If we get to heaven and the Good Lord says something like "Oh, but you could have been doing such and such (preaching/whatever) and saved so many lives! But you were too busy/afraid/whatever" What a tradgedy.

    Now all we have to do is listen to Him, learn and give LOL Yep. Such an easy task. *sarcasim, if you didn't catch that*

    Sorry, it's too late to be commenting. I need sleep. Have a good day!!!


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