Have you ever felt lke you were slipping on thin ice, and instead of letting yourself fall naturally you fight it each and every way you possibly can just so it won't "hurt" as bad? Lately that is how I was fighting just living. Not just weight loss wise, but every other part of my life too. It was like I could see myself falling, and instead of just falling and then looking up for a way out, I faught it harder then anything else ~ making it even more painful once I finally fell.
Kinda reminds me of a story. I remember going out to eat with some friends ( pre kids) one Sunday at a very nice resteraunt with marble floors. I still had on my dress shoes which were very slipper, and I began to fall. Instead of just falling and picking myself up gracefully, I faught it. I thought all was well, until the next day it just killed me to walk. I went to the doctor because I thought I had a broke toe. Nope. Instead, I tore a ligament in my toe because I "faught" falling and made the situtation wose. More times then not, a break will heal better and quicker then any torn ligament.
I am finally coming back up from whatever pitt I have been in for such a time. I wasn't happy. I was miserable. And to be honest, I can't even begin to tell you why. It was a pretty yucky place to be in, and I wouldnt' wish it on anyone. I think I have taken alot for granted, and taken alot of my frustrations out on those I love most. Like I said, not a pretty place to be in.
I am taking drastic measures with my weightloss, in a way I thought I never could. Though I don't feel like I can share all the details right now, I am giving it a week to see how I do. I can tell you this though, it is healthy to do but not for a long period of time. My weight was back up to a grossly amount and I am so ashamed. ~ Frown ~
My loving dh is home early this evening, and we are staying in because of the weather, so I am going to go enjoy my precious family. I just had to "share" what has been transpiring through my mind lately because I know several of you have asked.