As the deer pants for streams of water, so my soul pants for you, O God. Psalm 42:1 NIV
That is where my heart is today. I have just been in a spirit of worship today. I have not "dealt with" all that I needed to this morning with the Lord, and I feel incomplete. This is what I have longed for! I need that unity with my Father, that love letter with my first love. I need that passion back, both with my Lord and Savior, with my Father the Creator of all things, the Holy Spirit ~ my communicator when I am speechless, and with my husband.
Prayer and passion, two things I can no longer go without, that I was completly dry on! Those streams were dry as dust.
Deep calls to deep in the roar of your waterfalls; all your waves and breakers have swept over me. Psalm 42:7
As I was taking the sheets off the Master Bed this morning to launder, I had this urge to begin praying for my husband, for myself, for our marriage, for our passion to explode like never before. I love my husband and often times when we love someone we are so close to, we can take one another for granted. I often get sore in the heart and wonder if he ever notices all the things I have done for him that he takes for granted when *gasp* I am so deeply convicted today to change my heart and open my eyes. That was my prayer yesterday, to take this coat of hoityness away from me, so I can change and not always want others to change, especially my love. I was reading pretty faithfully "Facinating Womanhood" because well I am an old fashioned kind of girl. I want to please my man ~ that is my whole objective as a wife and a mother. I cant' explain it right now, as I am still soaking in what the Lord is speaking to me. It is funny, how a big huge part of me felt so alone ~ and it was the same part that kept pushing my Lord away over and over. He kept pulling closer and just like an agitated child I kept pulling away harder and harder. Finally throwing myself on the ground and throwing a tantrum, did I finally see what was happening.
See, I want to be this quiet and meek woman found in Proverbs 31, I really do. And I try. But each time before it hasnt' been to do anything but to benefit myself. Now... I want to be that proverbial woman to glorify God, to bring honor to my husband to love each of my children as they deserve. I am just amazed how many times God hasn't given up on me, but instead come back to me with a deeper more passionate look at my path ahead of me. Never in my wildest dreams did I think I would feel so passionate right now about life. Not running around smiling and enjoying doing things, but instead ~ LIVING for the God most high even in the midst of being a wife and a mother.
The children are now in a good resting mode, and I must tend to some things around the home. One of them being some prayer time for my husband, and family. May God move in such a powerful way this beautiful Monday in ways that will change your life forever.