I keep running across blogs lately, I guess since I have changed my outlook on everything (last week), on how motivation is hard to find, and people being in a funk. UGH. I hate that. I dont' hate reading it, because trust me we have all been there, but just today I have litterally either read blogs (5 of them have people in "funks" with no motivation) and about 8 on a few different forums are like this too. Usually when there is a world wide spread of "funkness" I am in the middle of it. Believe me, I used to be stuck in a rut and just "surviving" the day.
Not as of late. Letting go of this whole idea that I have to be a certain weight for a certian time period and realizing that my weightloss journey is a life long journey, as well as my spiritual journey. It is simply made of up of making decisions on a daily basis. Becuase I took that pressure off myself, I have allowed myself more freedom to be me, to make those decisions moment by moment instead of worrying about them all dadgum day. That is what living is about! Living isn't about obsessing over the non essentials. Yes when you are the midst of your journey, and perhaps even just building up the courage to really begin it, obsession helps a little bit. But when you are like me, and only 15 to 20 pounds away from your DREAM goal (that may be unrealistic just a bit but fun to try to hit) it's okay to not obsess. Now, don't get me wrong I am not sitting here eating bon bons and drinking shakes, I am still making good decisions, but like I said yesterday it is second nature to me. Maybe because I have been able to ease up on myself, and have been getting more invovled in other things ( like seeing who out of my kids and me can hold their breath the longest under water, or can win consecutive games of Marco Polo) and loving life daily.
Maybe beause I have been turning off the tv during the day, and soaking up some amazing music ( my blog music btw) while I go about cleaning my house, reading the Word, and simply just being me. God is amazing me moment by moment. I am finding myself waking up in prayer, going to bed in prayer, and throughout my day continually conversing with the Lord. I have a comfortable peace within me that literally hasn't been there for a long time. I fell into a trap ~ a negative I hate everything about me trap, one that was very sinful. Yesterday I spoke of healing, and it is this kind of healing that is changing everything about me. I have forgiven myself for alliwng my health to get out of control. Now dont' get me wrong, even in my heaviest I was pretty healthy. I didn't have diabetes, high blood pressure, and the only cholesterol problem I had was due to my hypothyroidism (Hosimotos). That is a disease I will have for life ~ or until I get completely healed of it. By the time my mother was my age, she not only had four c sections, she also had gal bladder surgery, back surgery, and was on her way to many other surgeries icluding (knee surgery, carpal tunnel surgery, an esophogus surgery) so despite genetics, I am a pretty healthy gal! I have forgiven myself of not taking care of my chldren as maybe I should have. Yes, their basic needs were taken care of ,but I havent' been the active mom with them for amny of their years. Instead I was wrapped up in my self pitty to give a darn about anyone else. Self hatred will do that to you. It is beyond depression I think, because it is inward, and emotionally, not just something a pill can take care of. It is something that is ongoing utnil you get "over it".
So, if your having a rough day today, and it seems like your motivation for whatever your facing whether it be changing careers, losing weight, simply surviving the day, please know that you are in my prayers. I pray that each one of you will find this amazing peace, and unlimited joy that I have been experiencing and will be able to allow it to soak to your very inner being, so much so that you can embrace each day for what it is ~ a gift!
May God bless you on this beautiful and sunny Tuesday!
Be strong and take heart, all you who hope in the LORD. Psalm 31:24