One thing I have desired for my life since I can remember is to literally be at a place in my life where I can just live and enjoy it. Not a ton of planning, not a ton of running around making everyone happy, yet being the happiest *I* have ever been in my entire life. I am there! What a wonderful place to be! I literally have not been where I am at emotionally, mentally, physically, and even spiritually then where I am right NOW. I feel like I am living a wonderful fairy tale. Ya know, I have my Prince Charming, we have our own quaint little home including the backyard oasis which is keeping us entertained and active, three fantastic children who keep us young and laughing, and I couldn't be happier. My dh and I enjoyed some intimate time ( I don't mean just sexual either, so dont' go blushing on me!) one on one together, complete and utterly the most romantic and uninterrupted time to talk, to embrace one another to explore. I was just wowed! As a young couple making it in the world, raising a family, keeping a home, and all that life entails it is hard to stay connected unless we purposely set time aside now and then for one another. ON PURPOSE! I am just so in love with him, that I am overwhelmed at times.
My heart is so full this evening. It has been for a few days actually. I truly feel like life is changing before my very eyes, and in that my heart is being opened to embrace the loving relationships that I need to nurture more and more as time draws to an end each day. Relationships in my own home between my husband and I, the children and I, friends and I, etc. I am loving the little friendships that form in our choir at church. What a neat little (150 of us) we are! Some people have made comments to me since I do go to a pretty large church (running 5,000 to 7,000 ~ not including the 1500 kids) how hard it must be to connect. My thoughts on that are if you are in a church, that is full of the presence of the Living God, and loving people it will not matter how many people are around. I truly see a neat little glimpse of Heaven each and every week. I LOVE it! I love having the time to nourish some friendships that have been neglected due to busy school schedules. What a nice treat that is!
For the first ime in my adult life I feel young again, and ready to embrace some new experiences. The fear that used to embrace me when I thought of trying something new is no longer there and I am just sooo very excited about each and every new thing I can do. Sure losing 70 pounds will do that to someone, but... I have to be honest and say this is more. It is more then just from the weightloss. Anyone can do that. I truly believe that God is healing me from the inside out. I have never had a healthy self esteem, or even felt worthy of much. Just yesterday the Holy Spirit shared with me that I have always been worthy of being in the presence of God. We all are. He created us to be! It is us who feel so unworthy, so hurtful to ourselves, that we choose to seperate ourselves from Him, not He who is choosing that. Weightloss doesn't do that to you, so it is so much more then that. Those close to me may tell you that I have become shallow and all I am about is losing weight, but in all honesty I have to give them that. I was focused for so long, I had to be. I had to focus on myself. But now, the way I eat, and the things I consider important in my health are truly so second nature, that it is just life! I don't have to focus so hard anymore. Sure, I have to tell myself No, but dont' we all? In eerything we do? I mean come on ~ The Bible vs your favorite tv show. Sometimes making the right decison is hard, and sometimes we don't. No more dwelling on the negative stuff. I will make the right choices in my life for the most part, and every now and then I know that I may not make the right choice but it doesn't mean it's the end! The end will come, when I am in Heaven with my Father!