Friday, June 5, 2009
Longing for more
I am in a different season, one I havent' been near in a while. I get this way about this time every year, when I get the opportunity to spend more time at home. I have a longing for something more, somthing deep, something worth the time and effort. For so long it has been all about losing pounds, losing inches, and all that is happening pretty much on it's own now. It is like I am just an observer, and I want MORE! Not more loss ~ as I have lost it at a pretty good pace, and would not have rushed it one moment from what it already was. I am longing for more in my home ~ as a wife, mother, homemaker. I am wanting more in my own life ~ from myself ( not the ones I love, but from ME!). My soul is longing to be in the throne room, at the feet of the Lord. For so long, I have lived a superficial life, doing things that would please others. Doing things in my life, that wasnt' really "me" just to gain friendships (saying things that I might not would have under 'normal' circumstances), and I am so worn out from that! That is one reason no one has been able to send me an instant message, or really have recieved any emails ( or blog comments) from me. I have just completely withdrawn from my "normal". I need to. I am learning alot, and expect that learning to continue. Part of that is probably where this longing feeling is coming from, because in a way it feels like there is a void in my life. I guess taking out some negative influences is a good thing ~ but in the same since I had to lose some good support too by withdrawing. =) I guess I will take things as they come.