This morning, I am blessed. I have an overwhelming feeling of contentment and I wouldn't trade that for anything! I wouldn't dare wish for more. As any other blog I have ever had before in my past, this one is true to be no different. It contains the whispers of my heart, the roller coaster of emotions I may go through in just one weeks time. It holds the secrets I would never feel comforatble sharing with just anyone. It sometimes even holds things that I am too cowardly to share one on one. It is me.
Today is no different! I have lots to share, and am blessed with the time (and coffee) to share every single feeling and thought with you that I feel led to share. So, go getcha a cup of tea/coffee, glass of cool lemonaide, something that is refeshing to you. Because it is my prayer that this particular blog entry will be refeshing to your soul as well.
I have miseed two sundays in a row at church, prior to this past Sunday. It was so good to be back in the house of the Lord, and I often wonder what it is that keeps people away from such a wonderful place. Then I realize we are not all in the "same place" in our lives, and though many have been raised in church, I can attest that it isn't just about "being there". And I have been in many churches, and can say they are not all the same. Some, the evidence of the presence of God is there ~ you feel it with all of your being. That is my church home! THAT is where I long to be, and miss dearly when I miss.
This morning, that feeling of contentment I told you I awoke with ~ such a good feeling. It has been a while since I really took a moment to step out of my own selfish moment, to look around me and see what life is like. I look at our week we have had this week, and am just amazed at the turn around of attitudes in the children, my husband, and especially myself. Monday we left the house to run errands, and aquire some food for the week. Healthy foods ~ meats, dairy, veggies, and fruits. There was a 12 pack of Pepsi Max in there, and a package of Mother's Original Oatmeal Iced cookies as they are my husbands favorites. When we left the store the back of my Explorere was pretty full and I knew we would want for nothing special that I couldn't provide already at home. I have been spending more time in prayer this week, for my husband, myself, the kids, amoung others. For too long I have relied on others, to fullfill things for me. Food ~ by going out to eat too many times, fellowship ~ because I wanted to hear something audible , yet the voice of My Lord is amazingly more fullfilling. I am not saying that these aren't good things, they are. But they should not replace the original and authentic in which we were created to do. My hands were created to make food that is not only satisfying for my family ( as well as myself), but that is healthy and nourishing. Friendships are devloped and nourished by encouragement and lots of coddling at times. But the one frienship we can't ignore is that with our Creator. THAT is why we are here! Not only to share with believers and non believers alike, but to learn how to communicate and fellowship with our Father.
In saying we have not left our house, I have to say that is an amazing thing. For so long I would get us so busy we were running from place to place constantly ( honest, in search of finding "something") that when we were home it was still busy busy busy getting things done, so that when time rolled around again tomorrow we could go go go ! An endless and very shelfish battle I dealt with. I say selfish, because for so long that is all my kids knew. They knew there were happy and fun things to do elsewhere, and home was a place of "work work work" and why the heck would they want to be happy just being at home! Oh, what a horrible attitude!! I have been working on this for a while now, but not until this morning did I realize how things were changing! Changing for me, for them, and just overall for our entire family!
I spend all year with a ton of kids, I am not going to spend what little bit of time we have in the summer either entertaining tons of other children, or even selling my kids out in tons of activities. They need time to relax, and enjoy themselves right here at home. A good ol fashioned summer, not one I have to pay for to find entertainment for them. One that they can go and experience life as it happens, like when we were kids. I want them to wake up and just enjoy every single moment of their day and not ask "where are we going next" or "what are we doing next". Not once in the summer do I hear 'I am bored", unless they have been overstimulated for too many days, and then left to try to find something to do. As a preschool teacher I can tell you some of the changes I have seen through the years, and one of them is their lack of using the imagination that God gave them! Too parents do not allow free time to be able to entertain themselves in ways that build a creative and healthy imagination. That is so uspetting to me, and I see the effects it has on them as they get older. It becomes a battle of "I need this to entertain me" or I must be erolled in something to entertain me. When parents allow themselves to become so busy and so wrapped up in their own lives, that they have to enroll their kids in everything under the sun becuase either they need someone to entertain their kids for them, or they are too busy and feel guilty.
So, a part of this contentment feeling is realizing the beneifts of allowing my kids to be kids and not dragging them to and fro for everything. Do I feel guilty for not having them enrolled in lots of things? Not one bit. Well.. I guess I do when I hear of other parents doing it and I wonder if I am keepin them from something good, but then I am reminded of how they are going to remember being home, and being allowed to go and be free. Now, I went to a few things each summer, and I just remember "going", not what we actually did. THAT is not cool! And I have to remember that it is my responsibility and my privelage to go and do with the kids and learn with them, together. Nature walks are fun! Just a simple walk around the neighborhood is fun and educational! And ... FREE!! LOL
I didnt' realize how long this post was going to be, so if you need to go potty, or get another drink.. please do so because I am not done! LOL.... I am waiting right here for you to return!
My husband and I are at such a very passionate place right now, and that is another obvious "aha" when it comes to this contentment. I love him so much. I realized through the years of all the times I prayed for his faults, never once looking at my own, how selfish I have been through the years. How many times I have NOT accepted him as Christ does. I found an old prayer journal from 2002, the summer right after the twins were born. I was going through alot at that time with my emotions, post pardom stuff, healing from a double birth c~section, and getting in gear of taking care of two infants, a house, and an almost 3 year old. That was a time in my life where God just completely changed my heart, my life. He became the most REAL he has ever been. I have never been one to outwardly say "Men are men" but I have thought it, and to be honest in a very degrading way. I hear things other women say about their husbands ( even family) and I think Wow! How could they!! But yep, you guessed it, there are times in our relationship where I have thought the same or even worse. Thinking it is no better then saying it! IN fact it is worse, because when you haven't spoken it, you haven't released it.. and it is harboring in you until something festers, then ... oh boy, stand back! LOL
I have realized that through this whole weightloss thing, that it really is a mind thing. But you know what? So are relationships! Yes, they are a heart thing too, but your mind and the way YOU portray things, effect the outcome more so then the heart itself. ~ Something to ponder ey?
Well, I am going to go for now, and enjoy my own little world. It is such a great place to be! Today we are leaving the house! We have been enjoying our very own backyard oasis this week, and today, it is our turn to enjoy someone else's! A time of fellowship, splashing, and the kids noshing on snowcones! That is our agenda. Before we leave, I am going to bless the house, prep as much as I can for dinner (we are having a taco buffet), turn on our own pool pump to continue filtering the pool as needed in such hot temps, and enjoy some more time in the Word. May you be blessed today, to seek out your own contentment in your life. If you are not there, and have no clue what that even feels like, spend some time in prayer, and ask God to help you become content just where you are! I can tell you when you do, you realize how blessed you are and how easy it is to find so much joy in your own little world!