Shwooosh. Or is it Shew! Whatever it is, today was a day that God used our pastor to speak directly to me. We have been doing a sermon series on "The Blessing" and it is just amazing. Today, was very emotional.
He began talking about something I knew would lead me somewhere. If you are a believer, you know what I mean. It was just one of those moments, those do or die moments. Well, as hard as it is, this is definately a 'do" moment. It's time to forgive and move on.
I do have so many good memories of my childhood, but I have some (more then any little girl should have) that I have a hard time letting go of. Today is that day. This moment is that day! So, here goes !
This is a letter ~ an open letter of sorts to the person I must forgive in my own heart.
I have to let you know I forgive you. I forgive all the times I was the punching bag (emotionally) when things didnt go your way. I was the one who would clean before company came the best I could at 9, 10, 11, and would hear you appologize for the mess because you didnt' have time to clean. I was the one who was hurt physically, and yet you remained silent whether you knew or not. I was the one who still has to deal with issues from those times, but not anymore. I realize that something happened, either the way you were raised, or in your early adult hood that began an ugly festation in you. NOT YOU, but how things were handled. I love you because of who you are in my life. I love you because you gave everything for me. I love you because you do love me back. I love you and I am now letting go of all the pain, resentment, hatred I have felt for so many years. I am letting go of the "oh poor me" so that I can experience all that God has in store for me. I am no longer allowing mysef to be in bodage to things of the past. Today is a new day! And I will honor you! I will honor you in a way I have been unable to ever in my life.
Thanks for reading. A more "normal" post will be up tomorrow!