Friday, August 28, 2009
Scared in the Throne room
I come to you tonight completely humbled. I am frightened, terrified actually. There are two bloggers that I recently know of that lost their parents; one lost their mother, the other their father. I am honestly terrified of becoming one of "THEM". My daddy goes into surgery on Monday. I can't be there as it is the first day of school at the preschool. He has bladder cancer, and they will be removing his entire bladder and giving him an artificial one on the outside of his body. I hate it when the human body has to be altered from the original form our Father created. I am scared. But because I am a believer, I am forced to be strong. To trust. To rely on God to come through yet once agian. What happens if he doesn't make it? What happens if he moves on ahead, and yet I dont' know if he is prepared? See my Daddy hasn't been a believer. He has been an alchoholic, a smoker, one who rebelled every chance he got. My daddy has been my daddy since I was two, as he is not my birth father, but the one who loved me enough to take care of me from that point forward. The one who sat with me on my bed and cried when my heart was broken. The one who was upset when when I moved out. The one who has been my cheerleader no matter what I got myself into. The one who did show me the unconditional love of our Father in heaven by the way he loved me. My Daddy has been the loving example of our Father's love, yet he has not known that in his own personal life. As I sit here and sob I realize this is just another HARD step of faith for me. I can't be in control of this situation. I can't have even have my hands in the pot! OUCH! All I know to do is to share how I am feeling at this very moment and to ask for prayer. Pray for him to find the loving ams of Jesus, and for my mother to find the peace that she needs to deal with all that is ahead. This may just be the beginning for us, or it may be the beginning of the end. We honestly won't know until the knives start their duty on Monday morning. If you know me personally I could honestly use your hugs and your reassurance that all is well. IF you dont' know me, then just pray!!! I have never been this fearful, with the exception of hearing Hurricane Ike blow in over our city last September. Why is it so hard to be a grown up sometimes?!