Thursday, November 19, 2009

Meeting myself in the middle

My habits are changing, and I can't tell you how greatful I am that they are. I am evolving into what I have always longed to be. See, before my weightloss journey, I truly kept my focus on my home, marriage, and children in the same kind of desire, drive, and motivation that I have faced losing the weight. I was focused, and I loved that about myself then. Of course I was unhappy the entire time though, because I didn't like what I had become. Sure, my kids and husband had my every moment, but I had lost who *I* was as a person.

On this journey I found me again. I found that sense of "easy to please" and "laughs at everything" that my personality always was bursting out of before I became really heavy. The "fat comments" in my head for the most part have stopped. I still have a few days, but I then know to go through pictures and remind myself how far I have come. I also know on those days to wear something a bit more form fitting (not tacky) that makes me SEE the changes.

Now, I am more balanced then I have EVER been in my life. IN everything I do! Sure, I may spend one night working on finishing a project from the classroom, so they can go home on time, or I may spend an afternoon napping, but for the most part, things in my life are finally balanced again. My home is reflecting those changes this week, and I couldn't be more happier! I mean I am coming home from working all day and still accomplishing some major deep cleaning! I LOVE THIS! I love that I feel like I care about my home again! I am also not just throwing poptarts at the kids and calling it breakfast. They have had a hot breakfast all week this week. For that I am proud! BALANCE! I am meeting myself in the middle, and I never thought that was possible. For years it was putting everyone and everything first. Then for a year and a half I put myself/ my health first. Now, I am evolving and doing it all. I guess that is what a grown up feels like. LOL

I serve in the ministry, yet it doesn't consume me. God has given me many responsibilities when it comes to ministry, from singing n the choir at church to tending to a flock of children in preschool all week, tending to my own flock of children at home, and being a light in a very dark community. Ministry isn't really something seperate of being a different part of me, it is within me in all that I do. So, I don't have to really "work" it. That may not sound right, but think about it. We are all called to minister in simply living the life of Christ. I am a teacher but it doesn't consume me. Sure, my attention when I at school is completely on those children in my care. 100%. It is who I am, who I have always been. I am wife, but it doesn't consume me. I am a mother, it still doesn't consume me. I am a child of God ~ THAT consumes me, and brings me into all these places in my life. It is who I am. It is who I will always be! AMEN AMEN AMEN!

Balanced living. It makes life much more interesting, fullfilling, and enjoyable. It is nice to be here!


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