Saturday, December 26, 2009

And it twas the day after...

Sorry I have been MIA the last few days, but there was alot of "getting ready" for Christmas that took place.  I am sure you all know what I mean. Also last week I decided I was going to branch off of this main blog and seperate a few things. Why? Because I tend to do better mentally when I can compartmentalize things, at least right now. Not all the time, sometimes balance can be found, but lately it seems that I have to focus in a way that puts boundaries down. Just like this week. My focus wasn't on the scale ( I wish I wouldn't have lost focus because today I feel like garbage.) My focus wasn't on my nonexistent writing career, though I wished I would have taken the time to jot down the oh so many ideas that were cranking out. My focus however, was on my family, and making everyone's favorites whether they be yearly traditions, or bringing back flavors that reminded them of years past. It took time. It took energy. It took my creative juices.

But, Christmas was lovely. Cutting back I worried that the kids would be dissapointed but I was overwhelmed with relief when they were just as ecstatic over a few then a ton. I am moved more to take time and patience with Christmas shopping then ever before for next year. The gifts that left our home, were not typical gifts. Even the ones in our home. I had to laugh when I handed my husband a gift and he said "I already know it is pj's". I smiled and said "not this year honey!" I learned one thing about shopping this year, that I will never forget. I think because I hated my body, hated the way I looked I avoided going into many stores looking /searching for that perfect gift for someone and just stuck to the big box stores. Why? It wasn't because it was cheaper. It was because I felt accepted at Walmart. I felt semi accepted at Target. But... the other little boutique stores? I didn't not feel worthy to even go into them. I know this sounds crazy, but I was just in a terrible place for seven years.I HATED myself. I don't think anyone gets that.  I mean I became so good at hiding. I became so good at lying about how I felt that I could laught it up yet inside I was literally dying.

This Christmas season however, I had truly learned what it felt like to find that "PERFECT" gift for the ones I loved. NOT a gift that will do, a gift on their list, a gift I could afford, but the perfect gift for them all. It encourages me to branch out even more for everyday things.

I don't feel so well about myself right now, but since it is all food/weight related I will be posting that over at skinnyminnymommy. I am ecstatic though to mention real quickly that I am back on track 100% and plan to stay that way for quite some time. INCLUDING a New Year's Eve Annual get to gether with friends. I will bring appitizers that I can enjoy, and will feel free to be just me. No more "taste this because you love me" days for me for quite some time. Thank goodness Christmas goodies only come once a year!

Well, I am off today to hit the bank, then home to tackle the tree, the outside lights, the leftover Christmas mess, and to cook a light meal for everyone! Yay! Life goes back to normal. A CLEAN normal!


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