Friday, January 29, 2010

Whose race is this anyway?

I have issues with "challenges". Why? Because I realize so many times in the middle of it, that I am doing things for someone else. I CAN"T do that!! Why? Let me explain!

I. Am. A. People. Pleaser!

I have commited to this "Biggest Loser Challenge" out of pressure, and I wish I hadn't. I can't get out of it though. Well, I can, but I will be letting someone down. But I have to. For my own good.

I realized yesterday, that when I go this journey alone, I can focus clearer and I react different to the "accountability" that others may thrive on. I will begin doing things with the motivation and attitude of "if I don't, I will let so and so down", not because it is the best choice for me.  Do you see where I am going with this? I have been feeling alot of presssure in my life (mainly from myself) coming at me in all ways possible. Part of it is I know that God is working on me, to look to HIM for strength, and away from my own merrits. But alot of it is pressure I put on myself to not let anyone around me down. The result of my lastest attempts? I got sick. Yep. Me. The one with a stronger immune system then anyone I know. Why? Because I needed to be knocked down off my highhorse and told "I can't do it all on my own!".

So, today, I am back to riding this journey on my own without the added pressure of keeping up with the Joneses. It doesn't work for me. And to prove how wierd I am, I like to workout alone as well. I can so easily be swayed and distracted by others that it is just in the best intrest of doing it on my own! (Well, please read when you hear that, I mean in this realm. I will ALWAYS be functioning in God's Grace (his power) and without that I can do nothing.

This race to the finish line (135) is mine. It's MY race to complete! No one can get me there, no one can hold me back. I shall not find blame in anyone. But I also can't cross that finish line without having time to get rid of the rest of this bondage. :) And to do that, honestly, I have to focus on me. I can't worry about letting soneone else down, nor can I worry about having someone else to carry me. God has given me the motviation, the drive, and the determination to get there. It is up to ME to complete it.

There will be a Skinny Minny Mommy video posted this weekend. When I post it, I will come either include it in a blog post, or at least give the link! Thanks for you love, support, and understanding while I am unleashing the "ME" I knew I could be.

From my scale to yours ~ I wish you a successful day!

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