Saturday, February 6, 2010

I am taking charge, are you?

I am taking charge of this thing called life, are you? First let me make it very clear. By taking charge, I don't mean it is my way or the highway! No sir ree bob! God is in the driving seat of my life, but I know that I also have responsibilities in that as well. He is my copilot ~ and while I have free choice, I try to listen for his voice to guide me.

Unfortunately, if I am honest, it is hard to hear when this NEGATIVE self talk begins. See, God's voice is small, calm, and very peaceful. The negative mess (which I know full well is from Satan) is loud and obnoxious, yet very overpowering at times. Especially when I am weak.

Yesterday, I was weak. Sure I posted about my using my "deviation hour" and I was okay with that. But then later in the day it began. Did I get back on course? No. I wont go into details, because well, It was ugly! VERY ugly. Then to try to "fix" it I had taken some meds I really shouldn't have to try to solve my problem. Am I feeling the effects of those. Why? Because these are the things I hear:

1. YOU don't deserve to get to goal. Might as well eat the yummy foods.
2. YOU will never get past 145 anyway, so stop now.
3. YOU don't deserve to be happy.

I need some scripture to focus on that tell me the truth of those statements, not what Satan would have me believe.

UGH!!! I HATE IT! This is a battle that I want to be done with, that I no longer want to give so much time and energy to. WHY now? I am good at weight loss, but this maintenance, and getting the last few off I totaly suck at.

I did take one official step. I dropped out of the challenge, which relieves a bit of pressure off me. I do so much better when I only have this to do for me, not someone else. I can't keep me afloat sometimes, let alone trying to help someone else do the same. Now, without this pressure, maybe in the least I can do is push through the rest of winter. Spring and Fall (from what I have found out in the last two years) are my best for losing weight. Winter and Summer I learn to maintain. Is anyone else find that it is easier in one season then another or am I just strange?

From my scale to yours ~ I wish you a successful day!
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