I am not talking to anyone in particular, yet to everyone I personally know (In my real life, not online). I am so sick of hearing the following:
- 1. We don't have money for our bills (yet there has always been money to smoke cigs, drink, party).
- 2. I can't lose weight (Yet, you choose to eat fried chicken, gravy and biscuits, pancakes, fast food, and never exercise).
- 3. I don't like to workout (yet you would rather spend your life sitting on your bum watching tv, stuffing your face with junk food, sodas and crap boohooing because your still obese 10 years later).
- 4. I have no friends (but you avoid people unless they are giving you something you want. Sorry ~ I can't be used anymore, and I will no longer feel responsible for being a mentor to you).
Yes, this is a venting post. I am not afraid anymore. I don't care personally who reads this because well, it is how I truly feel today. THIS has been bugging me for months, perhaps years. And to be honest, I focus so much on YOU that I haven't gotten to MY goal yet.
See, this is a victory for me, because obviously this is NOT a people pleasing post. I have tried to share my journey with those close to me, as a way of trying to help. And .... for a while there they seemed to care, seemed interested, until they realized that it takes guts to work it all the way through.
You CANNOT be a coward and be healthy. It doesn't happen! Today I asked a friend to go to the gym, I was gonna offer to pay her a dollar for every day she worked out ~ which would pay for a membership. But guess what. I never got the chance to even offer it. I was shut down immediately. IN fact I was told ~ "Thanks but no thanks." I was hurt. Crushed. Why? Because I realized that she is in a pitt that is gonna be dad gum hard to get out of, and there is NOTHING I can do to help. BUT it was a pivotal moment for me. One that led me to this post. One that helped me realize that there is NOTHING I can do for these people, for you even, to help get you on track. It has to be all you ~ not me.
It seems my wishes to live a life of inspiration.... is well. a bust. In a way. In the way that nothing I do can change someone. It has to be them. I realize that my life can be used to inspire someone.... but not because of anything extraordinary that *I* do, but how God uses it in someone else's life. What He whispers to their souls in what I share. And that, I can live with. But I can't live being a part of any one's pitty party anymore, and I refuse to do it ever again. Sure, I can sympathise and offer my prayers, but I am NOT investing anymore energy into *trying* to show someone how to make changes. Instead that energy is going back to ME!!!
I didn't eat 100% back on plan today, but much better. AND.... I did workout! I didn't go a full 5k, but managed to walk almost 2 miles, along with some much needed strength training. The feeling I had while working out was amazing. I can't help it that others do not feel that. I can only be blessed to have it by myself! AND... I am going to indulge in that daily workout ~ because it really isn't a chore for me! It is a pure pleasure! I don't want to give myself permission to continue to eat off plan, but I am NOT going to feel guilty anymore. I realize I ma on vacation, and well... life happens. I did make poor choices, and I am okay with that. But, I have a plan, and I am back! Full force! And above that I am FREE from this burden of trying to change the world! I realized it finally, and I can focus again. Completely!
I realize that this post could hurt some feelings. Even if you don't know me, maybe I said something that made you think different of me. I am not one who takes the weight I lost for granted. I busted my hiney, I sacrificed a lot at times, I KNOW how hard it is. I did it! ALONE. NO HELP of any kind. So don't give me a "It's too hard".... I don't want to hear it. I KNOW It's hard, but it is worth it isnt' it? If you had a secret to keep you out of the grave just a tiny bit longer, wouldn't you work it as best you could? Guess what? Keep stuffing your face with crappy food, and sitting on your bum. If you think that is the best thing for you then do it. BUT don't cry to me when your fat, unhappy, and miserable. I have NO PITTY for you.