There has been alot going in in blogland, and one particular post got a few of you out there pondering some things. Funny thing is, I think I have touched based on this, yet barely looked past just the surface of it all. So while reading Believe It, Be It: How Being the Biggest Loser Won Me Back My Life, a few more things popped up.
In order to have any chance of success, I've lerned that you have to accept yourself and let go of the past failures or weakness that have been holding you back. It's important to look forward, not backward to get really clear on your future and what YOU want to be. It's not written in stone. Once you know what you want your life to look like, you can figure out how to make it happen. (Ali Vincient pg 12 Chapter: Where change begins)So, for this post I am going to ponder failures and weaknesses that have been holding me back, look to where I am currently, and where I want to be in my near future.
First, I am going back to my "aha moment" that started this journey back in April of 2008. THAT is why I am here. I am here to change my life, and hopefully inspire others to do the same along side of me. Sometimes I get too focused on others, and my own journey takes a break, but I always come back full circle to why I am here.
My failures (Time to ponder)
1. Showing love: Sometimes I show too much love and appreciation through food, yet not anywhere else. This is including but not limited to myself.
2. Going from plan to plan, always looking for a new fix. (I know low carb works, but even to this day, I don't know if I can continue for the rest of my life.)
3. Focusing on the outside forgetting that if it is junky on the inside then the outside packaging doesn't matter.
4. Not understanding when someone doesn't see things as clearly as I do, when I know they should. (Yeah, I will admit to being judgemental)
My Weaknesses (Punk Hurdles)
1. Junk food. I will find a way to squeeze it in my week. I find comfort in it, yet immediately feel terrible mentally and emotionally afterwards.
2. Looking at #1, I realize that I have a weakness to feel bad about myself. I think too often I can find my weaknesses and failures and I hold on to them .... for a cushion whenI feel abanadoned, or rejected.
I have to stop here, because this is the first time that I realize that I often eat to find a way to be upset with myself. I am floored. I never thought this was a possibility, to WANT to hate myself, and be so self destructive but yet I think I have been doing it and finding satisfaction in it. I am seriously speechless.
3. Eating or shall I say binging in private. Sneaking food. I haven't done that in so long, but yet it has come back full force, especially this week. I think I feel very inadequate at times when I am NOT in the classroom or working outside the home.
WOW! Again I have to stop! Looking at the times I struggle, they so correlate with times I am off work. This Spring Break has been HARD! Christmas break is HARD! Summer is just as HARD! Wow! Why? I love my life and I do get deep satisfaction from it, but when I am not consistently in the classroom/ or working, then I guess maybe I do feel not worthy of simple pleasure without "earning" it through hard work.
4. Putting a price on holidays. It always has to revolve around the food, which is a big stresser. Why?
Looking ForwardI am looking forward to letting go of those failures and weaknesses and yet now that I see them, I have no clue where to begin. I am shocked really, at what has come forth just by sharing this little bit. But I can tell you I see a clear direction of what I need to work on. I guess, it pays to sit down and be honest with yourself from time to time. *sigh* This is definately a life changing journey, and one that I welcome. Even the hard parts like this.
I am off now ~ going to go get dinner prepped, clean up some, and take more advil for this headache. Until tomorrow, I wish you wellness, happiness, and joy.