I had no clue that Sunday morning would be such a moving moment for me. Who knew? I often feel overlooked on Mother's Day because well..... my loving husband doesn't "get it" (I guess that maybe he grew up differently and a big deal was never made on Mother's Day. And... I am not his mother, but I am the mother of his children.), and the kids well are still little. I don't want tons of gifts but I want to be appreciated.
Anyway, we went to church (the littles and I) and I have to say God gave me the BEST gift of all. Do you want to know what it is? The gift of having the ability to forgive. In our services we are discussing the 10 commandments, so obviously we discussed "Honor your Father and Mother so that you will have a long life".
It was a lovely message ~ but that wasn't what got me. See a few months ago, I have had a difficult time dealing with my mother. I can't honestly tell you why, and so I just kind of backed away. I figured it was best to stand back a bit and not hurt her, as I tried to figure this out. There is alot of things that happened in my childhood that I just don't understand, and honestly I probably never will. I realized there as Pastor Garrett was preaching, that all of this "resentment" and standoffishness is because I don't understand. I didn't understand that some of the things (as an adult I see that I lacked as a child) that I needed but wasnt' given, wasn't because my mother didn't love me. It wasn't because I wasn't as special as she tried to make me feel. It wasn't because she has had these crazy high expectations that I simply can't measure up to. No. It was because she lacked some of those things in her own childhood, that she knew no different. Can I honestly hold that against her? NO!
I found the freedom to truly love and honor my mother again. As a child of God, I have to allow him to sit in the judgement seat, it is no place for me. But I do love my momma, and I can honestly say today that I have MISSED her painfully during these last few months.
I did get a few homemade cards from my littles, and they were very beautiful. I am glad that I could embrace those, and hug my littles with a free heart again.