I am embarking on a new phase in my life, and one that I am happy to announce was given a nice gentle shove by the Lord himself.
As I have said this week I read an amazing book by Karen Kingsbury called Divine. This book had left me longing for more. Not more of the book, I don't think I could have handled it well ~ it was breath taking, overwhelming, spirit moving goodness to the core, but one more chapter and I would have been sent over the edge. This book dealt with a lot of hardship, more then one should bare. The story line itself was basically meant to be a modern day tale of Mary Magdalene ~ but in our time. I am still digesting this story ~ though I understand it is fictional, it was just very personal for me in more ways then I would like to admit to.
God took me , and while I read this book he and his partner (The Holy Spirit) worked me in ways that I haven't been worked before. My heart was softened though I didnt' realize how hard it had gotten. I was broken, and I knew I never wanted to return to the person I was a few days earlier. For me, it was life changing, and for that I am eternally grateful for Karen Kingsbury for listening God and using her talents in a way that not only brings Him glory and honor, but moves His people to a higher level with Him as well. ( I want to be just like her when I grow up!)
Then yesterday ( I finished that book the night before) I get an email from my worship pastor asking us to join her and other leadership of the church to begin fasting ~ A 21 day fast. She was doing a Daniel Fast, but basically reminded us to seek the Lord on what kind of fast we should do ( that we shouldn't be so legalistic to think it has to be all about food.). As I am really struggling with being obsessed with losing weight, I knew right a way that I needed to truly seek him, because one more reason to "stop eating certain somethings" would send me over the deep end. There is a fine line between focused and obsessed, and I know I have already crossed it.
Today I began pondering things, and truly felt the leading to give up all my time that I spend on social networks (Facebook, message boards, etc), and truly feel a sense to let go for 21 days. I am constantly checking my facebook. In the summer , being completely honest here, I am easily spending 3 to 5 hours DAILY online. So I make a big announcement on Facebook that I will be off line from June 14 to July 4th. The other HARD as heck thing I am giving up is stepping on my scale. I will not be stepping on the scale until July 5th.
For too long I have hung onto control, and by being able to see what's going on, I get to where I can 'play' around to get the results I want. I am done with that. It's time to get my focus back where it needs to be. Changing my world around me but allowing myself to be changeable.
As crazy as it sounds, I am looking forward to waking up and not feeling like I *have* to trudge to the computer to do the same ol thing as before. It's time to live! I am looking forward to teaching my daughter how to cook more, breaking out my sewing machine, and simply getting out of the house to enjoy life! I will be returning to a normal workout schedule. Why? Because I need it. Stress wise, and simply to make sure I get in some activity other then the playing in the pool. I realized I am worth it. My husband tells me I am worth it, so I am taking advantage of the time I have this summer to build a better and stronger me. I have a feeling this new school year will bring many obstacles that I need to be prepared for both physically, spiritually, and emotionally. I want to be ready and prepared in all ways , to be a better teacher, better mother, better wife, and above all, a better servant to the Lord.
So in the next 21 days I am going to be facing and battling 2 of my biggest giants. An addiction and an obsession. Addiction to losing weight and the obsession I have allowed myself to live in for far too long and the addiction to finding approval and social fulfillment online. Will I be blogging , probably. I haven't felt the leading to move away from that. I think that door is still open to share what is going on, and how I am coping, to maybe bring hope to others who struggle with being addicted to either of these things.
It's time to up the anny people! We have got to stop doing the same things over and over and expect to see something different as a result.