Honestly I couldn't decide if I was first going to share this at all, and then if I did which blog to share it on. This one, or my weight loss journey one. I decided this wasn't all about weight loss, but many aspects of my life and thought there was no better group of women (and gents) to share this with then ya'll!
I have been in a bit of a slump. I have come to realize that I have done some things in my life because I want validation from soneone in order to be able to validate myself. It's like I want to be loved in order to love myself. I want to be accepted in order to feel like I can accept myself. AND I HATE THAT!
I have felt so withdrawn yet because of that so lonely. I look to hear compliments from my husband and then on days when I finally feel strong enough that I can compliment myself in some little ways I get torn down. Is it because he purposely does it, or is it because I am so sensitive and always seeking his acceptance in order to be happy with me.
I know my husband loves me beyond my understanding. I know he loves me and adores me, but because I allow myself to get over sensitive about things said, because I am still so uncomfortable in my own skin, I become defeated.
I must overcome this stinin thinking right NOW! NO exceptions! I am worth more then that, and above that it is keeping me from a life of victory in Christ. He can't do everything He has planned for me, until I can move forward. I am causing myself to lose blessing after blessing because of this. I am a beautiful creature in Christ, and it is ONLY through Him I have come as far in my life as I have. To others, my life looks easy, well thought out and ... well I guess picture perfect. But it is hard. It has always been hard. And until I change my thinking ~ it will stay that way. I am glad it looks easy, but believe me it isn't.
While I was away from blogging (not by my choice but technical difficulties by Blogger)I realized I have put some of my biggest dreams on hold out of fear! Out of fear of failure and not really believing in who I am. GUESS WHAT! I am worth it! I am worth the fight to fullfill my dreams, and I realize it is okay to dream big! BIG! I dont' want to have measly dreams of something that anyone can accomplish. I want to dream big and accomplish my own BIG goals! I have shared these dreams with the people I love. In fact, just yesterday my daughter asked me when I was going to write my book. How fitting was it that last night I heard on Joel Olsteen about dreaming big, and following through with our dreams. How fitting was it that Joel spoke of his wife Victoria who also had a dream to write a book, and the one thing that got her off her kiester was her son asking the same very thing. WHEN? .... God seems to get my attention often by dropping one brick on my head after another.
When I begin focusing on what others are thinking about me, it just goes to tell me that I need to focus more on me and my dreams! When I focus on petty little comments, it is because my focus isn't where it needs to be.
What about you? Are you spending time focusing on others and their dreams for you, or are you dreaming your own dreams? It's time to get off the stinkin thinkin, and get busy on acomplishing those dreams!