Somethin's a brewin in me, and I can't tell you what it be.
I have this feeling inside, that something is coming. It is a foggy vision from here, and I can't tell you if that somethin is good or bad, just it's on it's way. I am in a new growth stage, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. I remember this feeling when I was turning 30. THAT was a tough year for me, because of so much change inside of me. I am not one who makes a big deal out of their age, the number simply doesn't effect me. But this is similar, yet so different.
“For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,” declares the LORD.Isaiah 55:8
I am daily being reminded that my ways are not God's ways, no matter how well thought out and planned they may be. Yesterday I planned to go to the gym after the oldest got home from school. That was until right before I left for work that morning, and heard my dryer making an awful noise. AWFUL! So put the clothes back into the washer, where at least they wouldn't sour and then headed out to work. I called the repair guy we used for our stove back in August, and was just thankful
I come home and do a mad dash cleaning up the messes that the weekend always leaves behind in the family room, and basically did a ton of housework to make sure the house was presentable for a repair guy. As time kept ticking, and as hearts broke realizing they weren't making it to the gym today (kids ~ not mine) I called to make sure we were still in the Que to be fixed today.Sure enough we were. But I went out there again, loaded the clothes and started the dryer. It still made that noise, but... it stopped. I checked and the clothes were tumbling, AND drying. So.... I called the repair guy to cancel. He had just walked out the door and was on his way.... until he happened to walk right back in and the receptionist was able to tell him we'd cancel, and if I heard it again I would call back another day. ~ All this conspired at a time that I knew I wasn't going to go to the gym. Had it happened 10, 15, even 20 minutes before, I would have still gone.
I truly believe for one reason or another we just were NOT meant to hit the gym today. I honestly believe that. I believe in my heart that it was God's original plan for us to stay home on this afternoon.
If you read closely above you might find an attitude I had, that needs adjusting. Here, let me help you because as I was writing it, it just SCREAMED at me. For real.
I come home and do a mad dash cleaning up the messes that the weekend always leaves behind in the family room, and basically did a ton of housework to make sure the house was presentable for a repair guy.Oh my geewiz! I continue to have a Mary's heart, but constantly live in a Martha's world. It felt so nice to wake up to a nice and clean(er) home this morning. There is still work to be done, and it will be done. But with a better attitude. I have been fighting this thought that me rejoining the gym may not have been the best idea. Then I realize that yes it was. I just don't have to go daily.
Listen folks. I am happy to maintain right now. I am in a good spot weight wise, though my trainer told me otherwise and was encouraging me to get to where the 'chart' said I should be. But guess what?! I am still healing. IN MANY WAYS , ways that I am not completely expressing here due to privacy reasons. I have been open and honest, and can share most of what I have gone/am going through and how that is effecting me health wise, but there are some things that are just between God and me. This housecleaning business is big for me ~ because I realize just as the cobwebs form so easily in a corner of the room, they can also form just as quickly in my heart and soul as well. As the deep calls to deep, I am calling and running to my Lord. NOT some stinkin chart that has been in my head since last Wednesday. I feel like I "owe" it to my trainer to get into the gym ~ not that I owe it to God to create a safe and healthier temple for Him to dwell, not to myself to give me some much needed stress relief. What is wrong with this picture? People pleasing. I know I already paid for the personal trainer, but I think I am going to cancel my last two sessions with her because it isn't doing me any good mentally, or schedule them back to back and get them over with, learning what I can while still being a steward with the money I already spent. I don't like being held accountable by someone at the gym, because for me, it is not a safe place. It is a place of bondage, people pleasing, and doing things "MY WAY" instead of His way.
If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him. James 1:5
As I said, I am going through "somethin" but not sure what. If the Lord brings me to your mind today, will you please pray for me to have the strength to endure this, and to come out on the other side with a jewel to place in my crown, that I will bring Him honor and glory, and most of all, that I can hear HIS voice over any other's? Thank you in advance.
Love in Christ,
“He must increase, but I must decrease.” – John 3:30