Well, as you may have or may not have realized this week God is removing a lot of my high places in my life (or Idols as some of us may know them as) and it seems like every single day, one by one they are being dealt with.
Sunday, it was the scale.
Monday, the gym and my identity.
Oy vey Tuesday. (Oh my Tuesday). Yesterday I realized that I needed to make a bold step here on my Rebuilding Mrs. Sheila blog as well on One Pretty Little Box. I took a big step. One that I know is going to feel was a mistake immediately, but I also know that by being obedient even when it is uncomfortable I am going to see major breakthrough!
The fuel strike I am talking about is the fuel that I give others every single time I post a blog entry. This fuel is called "Comments". As you may or may not have noticed Comments have been removed from my blogs. I have talked many times about being too concerned on the reactions of my readers (friends, family, etc...) and how many times I have not felt the freedom to share what God would have me share because of that.
I have seen battles in the Spirit and the flesh in the comments section of this blog especially, feelings hurt from one commenter to another, etc. This place is supposed to be a safe haven ~ for me, for those who choose to read, for the stranger who just is compelled to keep reading more because they feel a sense of peace. If I am worried about reactions, or even waiting for comments ~ there isn't this freedom of letting go.
This blog is MY fuel to press on in the hard times, to share the amazing journey step by step (even if it is one or two steps backwards). I used to LOVE comments, until I began to see them as validation and acceptance. If you accepted me you left a comment. If you didn't like what I wrote you left a comment. If you loved what I wrote ~ occasionally you would leave a comment but more often not. What I am getting at is I am taking away the pressure from you and from me. You no longer need to feel like you should leave a comment.
In no way am I saying that I no longer want your support or encouragement. By all means, email me if you have a thought you want to share. BUT..I am taking away one of those "high places" of my expectations to be accepted and NEEDING your acceptance. I truly no longer need it to press forward in my life. I don't HAVE to have a cheering section to root me on, because if I give that much into it, the other section of people who are just waiting for me to fail to be able to say "Told you so' has just as much impression on me. I no longer want to feed that. I no longer give you or anyone else permission to sway me one direction or another. I long to follow the Lord with all of my heart, all of my soul, and all of my mind and while some of you may think I am in denial, I am not. I truly no longer can live like someone I once did.
I cannot wait around to find out if you like me anymore. I cannot wait around to find out if my blog posts made you mad, supported your thoughts, or even inspired you to seek out the right path for you. I have a life to live, just as you do. And if I am waiting around for acceptance from anyone, then I am stealing just a little bit out of that life ~ when I know that I have all the acceptance I need in my Lord and Savior. My Heavenly Father accepts me, and .... THAT is all that matters.
The comments section becomes "fuel" of self worth if we let it. Well, for once in my life I feel good about who I am. I feel like I have grown up over the last few months, and I am finally the adult I want to be. My heart has changed, my mind has changed, and my motives have changed. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE knowing your reading. (I was shocked the other day by a few emails of people who have been reading my blogs for years now and I never knew it because they weren't a "follower". ) I love to hear YOUR stories, how God is moving. Cutting off my comments is not cutting off communication. BUT if you are going to take the time to email me, then I know that it's not just lip service to let me know you are reading. You truly have something that is on your heart to share. Yes, I know having a comment section is "user friendly", but sometimes things in life are too easy. If it matters, you will email me. If it doesn't then you wont' take that time. Simple as that.
I do appreciate and love each and every one of you, and I thank you for your loving support and kindness that you have continued to show me day after day.