Thursday, January 20, 2011

Pressing on during times of vulnerability

Yesterday, was a hard day. It was long, difficult, and well... to be honest, it was one of those days that I wanted to pull the covers over my head and hide from the world. I am vulnerable right now, and I don't like being vulnerable. I like to be the strong and in control one. *Hmph* God has other plans for me, and I knew to just suck it up and press on.

When I got home from work, I had thought I was going to come home and do nothing. But that thought didn't last long. Before I left for work, I left the makings for Oatmeal Chocolate Chip Cookies out on the counter. I had a thought. Why not "press on" and those started so the first batch is out of the oven by the time the twins came home from school. If I had a rough day, who knew if any of my loves did too. Food doesn't fix things. I wasn't out to try to fix anything with food. However, I am a homemaker, and I like doing little things like baking cookies to surprise someone, or fix a comforting meal. That little step changed my attitude. I then began working on some organization stuff for preschool, listened to some encouragement as I worked, cooked a classic American meal, tended to 2 loads of laundry, and prepped stuff for breakfast this morning. I indeed was tired, but working in my home ~ was joy my heart, mind, and soul needed. The husband and I did turn in early, which was nice. Having no TV Stimulation is nice! I love hanging out in the peace and quiet. I plan on doing lots more of that.

One of my biggest things right now, is I have missed worship for the last four weeks. I am ready to be back with the wonderful congregation I share my church home with. Yes, I have been getting daily in the word, and in prayer, but being with other believers for that time of unified worship~ that cannot be replaced any other way.

I did get a chance to finish Bake until Golden last night, and while I was sad I was at the end of the book because I wanted more, I can say I am pretty sure there will be another one. (The series starts with a book called The Pot Luck Club ,and if you like stories of Chick lit, and relationships then this is a fantastic series! Yes, it is written for the Christian Community.)

I this morning was inspired to return to my try of quilting. I have wanted to quilt for some time now, but I have had this crazy fear of messing up. I am ready to let go of that silly fear. This weekend, will be full of many crafty things for me (and I am sure the kids), because I can tell you this. I am beginning to crawl out from the cocoon that I once built up around me and I am fully ready to enjoy living life again. Learning to let go of 'Who I used to be" is hard, and while God has truly been working on my life for sometime, I am ready to embrace me, for who I am - not what other's expect of me. Can  I tell you something? The break from face book ( I have vowed to not FB during the week, especially when I have to work the next day.) has done wonders for me, and as described earlier has left me pretty vulnerable. While I love my morning chats with a good friend (*wink wink*), and reading other people's status' I realize that too often I use FB to find, yet again "validation". Not having that, I have to find validation where it belongs. In HIM! I have ran to my director so unsure of how my class is going this year, and while she gave me comfort and told me I was doing a good job~ I now sit stunned, because well.... I needed that validation. Why do I need to hear that I am doing a good job, or that I am on the right track? Most importantly ~ Why do I continue to run to others to get it? I need to press on in that area more then anything right now.

When hard pressed, I cried to the LORD; he brought me into a spacious place. Psalm 118:5



In the Love of Christ,
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