After I took my shower this morning, and getting hubby ready for the day, I sit here and I feel very overwhelmed. I have had this deep feeling of feeling overwhelmed for a few days now. Ya know the kind I am talking about. The kind that is just hovering ~ waiting for a situation to kick it into overdrive. Looking ahead, I have NO idea why I am feeling this, as there is excitement of summer vacation coming. Excitement for a gathering around the pool and barbecue with friends this weekend. Lunner (lunch/dinner) with my precious children and husband planned on Sunday for the twins 9th birthday. (Their pick is Saltgrass! YUM) The last day of school is next Thursday. For all of us. Now, why this feeling of being overwhelmed, I don't know. Have no clue. I am excited for those things, but it feels like I have to go through some battle first before the joyous times can happen.
One thought on my mind this morning is "It's not about me.". This school year has been very overwhelming. It has stretched me, molded me, and changed me like never before. I am seeing the fruit of really neglectful parenting, and God has shown me how important it is to stay on top of my own parenting at home. I am ever thankful that I can be a part of each of these little lives during the day, but my heart breaks not knowing what happens at home. Part of me feels overwhelmed, because I see what is holding some of these children being the best they can be, and it is supposed to be the ones who are creating an atmosphere that molds them into being the best ~ their ownn parents. It is hard to see what happens, and not do anything about it.. Well, physically anyway. I can pray. I can pray hard. And maybe that is why this morning I woke up feeling such a strong burden, and being overwhelmed. I only have a few more days to impact these children's lives the importance to do the right thing, even when no one is looking. There are parents who care more about what their child looks like on the outside, and even packing them a "perfect" lunch so that all appears to be okay, never once realizing their child's character tells the whole story.
I am broken hearted. Even seeing how much we work on character at home, my kids are at the ages where they look to other kids for how they should act. Not all the way, but I see where there is so much conflict between them and other children, simply because they want to experience the "JOY" (albeit false joy), that they see other kids having, but their character stops them realizing what their friends are doing is not right. I feel for them, but the momma in me is singing with a joyful heart. It is difficult for them, but they have stood their ground. I am thankful that I can see their hearts. Though I teach 3's (all mine but one are now 4) you can almost cringe at how their behavior is going to be at 10, 13, 16.
I have five school days left with these kids! FIVE! May God use those five days mightily for His power, His kingdom, and His purpose!