So, that brings me to another revelation. Why do we put things off until we "have" to do them, instead of getting into an attitude of appreciation for GETTING to do something? I no longer HAVE to cook dinner, instead I get to prepare a meal that brings the family together. I no longer HAVE to pick up the living room, instead I GET to make it organized, clean, and a place where people want to gather (both the ones who live here, and the ones who don't).
Last night, I was reminded to stop having expectations that situations will work out like I want them to. See, I don't live my life anymore for myself ~ or at least I try not to. I live my life to serve my husband as his helpmate and I live my life to serve God Almighty. I get these things in my mind, the way I would like something to happen, and then when it doesn't I begin to feel like a spoiled brat. I cry, pout, and complain. Please don't comment and tell me that "it's normal". As Christians we are NOT called to be "normal". I feel so sad that by feeling this way, it shows me that my heart does not fully trust God and His ways for us. I am humbled once again, that I have NO CLUE to what's up ahead, yet God does. Today ~ I refuse to be that spoiled brat. I will NOT demand my way to my husband, nor God. I am here to serve, not be served. How foolish of me to think that God doesn't know the desires of my heart. How foolish of me to even consider that my own husband who knows me intimately ~ would not want the best for me, for us. When I get wrapped up in myself ~ I forget how wise my husband is, and how attentive he really is. I forget how God has cared for every single aspect of my life thus far. I am almost ashamed to even admit this there, but it is part of the growing process. It is the part where God raises me up in HIS ways, to not only understand who HE is, but to experience first hand how personal and intimate HE really is when we let Him be.
I know that I have been kind of alluding to something BIG in our future. I do not have more news to share with you, but it's coming. I can feel it. Not in my time, but in God's. I will not allow the inner spoiled child out in the process of waiting.
We must be willing to let go of the life we have planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us.
E. M. Forster
E. M. Forster
As a natural planner and a seeker, it is sometimes hard to realize when I get back into that mode. Letting go of that rush that comes from the planning process ~ leaves me empty for a moment. Then it's up to what I choose to fill that emptiness up with that makes the difference. I can choose to fill up on another activity, or I can choose to fill up on GOD and the plans HE has for me. This morning, after giving it all to God last night, I feel free again. I don't feel like I have to 'work' at trying to figure something out. I KNOW that God has a plan and a purpose for every thing that happens in our lives. He knows me so well that he knows the choices I will make, even if they are not going to help me be where I need to be. Does He leave me? No. But He does stop, and wait patiently for me to realize that HE is not walking along my side in my decision.
For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Jeremiah 29:11 NIV
This waiting process is NOT meant to hurt me. That is NOT the desire of God. This waiting period is meant to prosper me ~ both in the physical life, and in my spiritual life. This waiting period is meant to give me hope and a future, not an end to comfortable living. I will rest in this promise from God! I will REST in HIM! I will also, remain in an attitude of acceptance of the way things are. Yes I could choose to complain, whine, gripe, but this doesn't do anyone any good ~ and it shows others that I do not have an initimate relationship with God. I also can choose to remain in that thought life that God does have a bigger plan for my life, and that giving him the control ~ lets me be free to enjoy the NOW moments! I can choose to appreciate his protection, provision, peace, and joy. And do you know what ~ no matter which attitude I choose somebody is watching and being affected one way or another. Do I want to encourage others to complain and continue to live in a self absorbed life of misery or do I want to encourge others to take heart and know that trusting the Lord is letting go of doubt and is a joyful process. Yes I have to DIE to myself ~ and not allow the circumstance to change who I am, but instead let God almighty change my circumstance and in turn HE gets glorified. None of this is really about ME anyway ~ it's all about HIM.