The serenity of one Mommy's quiet time.
Hot Coffee. (Currently Pumpkin Spice)
Calm sweet music in the background. (Jim Brickman anyone?!)
His Word, along with personal reflections mingled in a symphony of wonder and anticipation.
Each morning I am often blessed with just a bit of this special time. As I get older, and the kids age as well, I begin to appreciate these moments that much more. It becomes more of a one on one time with my creator then it becomes of "me time". Before it used to be how I began to prepare for the day ~ chatting with friends, looking for motivation for the day. Lately? I still look for motivation, but in presence of God Almighty through his gentle whispers of conviction, change, and peaceful nudges to spend some time with Him.
I no longer am afraid of Holy conviction. Conviction that can't come from this dark world which will not lead me to dig deeper within to change ME and the way I perceive things. Society wants us to look outward, change the things on the outside, blame others for our faults. Holy conviction does not lead you looking outward, but focusing completely inward. I had a couple of rough days this past week, mostly because I WAS looking inward, yet wanting to fight the truth! I wanted to blame others, blame situations, rather then realizing how selfish I could be, how greedy for getting things my way, not realizing that God knows me so intimately that He was leading me to see my heart for what it was, and it was ugly!
Holy conviction.... is a personal thing. This can't be found unless you allow it. It can't be found through living vicariously through others. It can't be found in a book, with the exception to God's word. It can't be found in a bible study UNLESS that bible study has you focused on YOU and YOUR choices. Sadly, it often can't be found sitting in a pew at church if your focused on pleasing the people around you, not focused on serving and worshiping God Almighty alone. Your motives determine your worth. Point blank. Are they Holy convicted motives, or are the selfish motives for the gain of man's approval?
It is often in my quiet time that my heart is revealed, and motives are made so clear that even I can see them. Often, we are the last to see and understand our motives though they are clear for the world to see immediately.
It is my nature to feel the need to control situations around me. Sadly, it is my sinful nature that urges this need. This probably comes from various things from my childhood. If I know what is going to happen, then I can't be taken off guard, and my emotions and feelings can't be taken through the wringer. In the last few months, God Almighty is definitely doing a number on me ~ allowing situations that I can't control to be around me constantly. It is a battle. A battle I fight. I want that control ~ so I can fix things, so it goes smoothly. Guess what?! I can't say I want God to be in control of my life, yet allow myself to continue to control my life around me at the same time. It tells God that I don't think He can do it, and it also puts myself in that position of being GOD, and I am NOT! This is the biggest of battles that I have dealt with, and I have to say I realize that God is so much bigger then I could ever be. His ways are better then anything I could ever imagine, let alone try to do myself.
As a new week is upon us, I am looking forward to what God has for me. I lived through hurt. I lived through disappointment. I lived through pain. I am on this side, and I see..... that it's okay. Was it easy? No. Was it worth it? Absolutely. If I stayed the same , it would be shameful. If I never allowed the conviction ~ the Holy Conviction to change me, then what's the point?! Then why do I pray? Why do I say I want to follow Jesus, yet I want things my way too?! Guess what?! Jesus didn't live that way. HE looked for the leading of the Father, he prayed to the Father, and .... he accepted his authority in his life. So shall I.
I challenge you today, to seek out pure Holy Conviction in your life. Better yet, I challenge you to accept it, and grow from it. Change from it.