Set a guard, O Lord, over my mouth; keep watch over the door of my lips! Psalm 141:3
I don't want to be one of those people who sit and ponder what could be, what should be, and get myself all worked up deep within that I become a ball of nerves, and am unable to function in life. I have allowed myself to get this way too many times in the last month. This past week I had had it. I had a melt down, and got on my face (literally) before God and let it all out. I gave Him every worry, every concern, every thing that I had allowed myself to fret over. When I got up off the floor and wiped my face clean of mascara dribbles and tears, I felt like a weight had been taken off immediately. I began to find Joy in our situation, and I realized that is what God was calling me to in the first place. HE wanted me to give back that burden, the details, the worries and struggles so that HE could do what He needed to with them. I was hindering this process. I WAS the one who was holding things up ~ because I wanted things done in MY time and in the way I wanted it to be done.
This morning I sit here and I realize God is calling me to another level. A difficult level for me. See, he is calling me to be quiet. To NOT talk about myself, the details of my day, or even the secret thoughts I sometimes voice. He gently whispered to me this morning in a chat conversation to not talk about myself, our situation, or what's on my mind. Instead, wait! Wait on someone to ask.
Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear. Ephesians 4:29
Sounds silly huh? Well it isn't. See, God is calling me to a place where I am OUT of myself for longer then five minutes. This is so out of character that I imagine that some will think something is wrong, or that maybe I am so self focused that I can't share. Getting beyond myself is a beautiful thing. Do you realize how much more fun conversations are when it is not revolved around you? Do you realize how beautiful quiet moments are when your not having thoughts of self swirling around your head? It is a peaceful thing!
For we all stumble in many ways. And if anyone does not stumble in what he says, he is a perfect man, able also to bridle his whole body. If we put bits into the mouths of horses so that they obey us, we guide their whole bodies as well. Look at the ships also: though they are so large and are driven by strong winds, they are guided by a very small rudder wherever the will of the pilot directs. So also the tongue is a small member, yet it boasts of great things. How great a forest is set ablaze by such a small fire! And the tongue is a fire, a world of unrighteousness. The tongue is set among our members, staining the whole body, setting on fire the entire course of life, and set on fire by hell. ... James 3:2-10
So very thankful this morning for God's beautiful and intimate way in which He begins to steer our heart more towards Him and away from the things that society itself (and sadly that includes most of the christian population) call normal. I am anything BUT normal. God calls us to excellence, to purity, to holiness. These things cannot be found if we stay so far deep in ourselves that we cannot see beyond our own situations, thoughts, etc.
Today, I pray Lord that my words are few ~ but meaningful. I pray that the words of my mouth bring You glory, honor, and speak of your love, mercy and kindness. Beyond anything, Lord God Almighty, please lead my words to share YOUR truth, hope, and joy! In Jesus Name, Amen!