Shew! Either what I wanted to share on the blog yesterday wasn't going to glorify God, or the blogger peeps were having MAJOR technology issues when time aligned up with desire to write yesterday! Needless to say I am sorry for not posting a "Motivation for your Monday" post, and I hope that your Monday was smooth sailing.
This morning (as it has been for the last few mornings) I am ready to get up when the alarm goes off. Sure, I hit snooze thinking that just maybe I will get a few more minutes in but in reality, I am wide awake. Doesn't keep me from laying there in those cool comfy sheets for a few minutes! Waking up READY to take on the day is nice! Exhilarating actually. That is a good sign of improved health!
Sometimes to be all that you can be, you have to let go of some expectations. Expectations of yourself, expectations of situations, and expectations of others. It's not easy by any means. Especially to keep some sort of balance. Letting go of expectations does not mean you just let go of structure in your life. How do I know this? Because I do not function well as a person without some sort of regular structure. Not many people do. Being a preschool teacher ~ I can tell you there is a world of difference in a classroom that has regular structure, and ones who do not. But if I expecting a "feeling" from someone, even an experience with them ~ then all I am really doing is preparing myself for a big let down. Romance novels play up a false romance. Horror films play up a false fear that sadly becomes real.
To be all that I can be, I know for me that means that I am allowed freedom in the music I listen to. I am allowed freedom to make choices that are right for me ~ even if they are not right for someone else. But can I tell you that if I don't pull away from the voices ~ I may never ever know what is right for me. What voices do you ask? The voices in my head, from the world, even from well meaning people. I also have to let go of wondering if I am ever going to measure up to the "perfect ideal" that I want to be. I want my husband to be enthralled by me ~ physically, emotionally, completely ... yet he can't. Why? Because that is a false pretense of hanging onto expectations that aren't real. He has a life outside of me. I am not his everything ~ though there are days where I may cry because I feel like I am not ever going to be enough. Silly I know. I have thoughts of being the perfect mother ~ yet I am working outside the home 40 hours a week, keeping the house cleaned, cooking the majority of our meals, trying to tend to the yard work that is growing by the day (Yay Spring!), and yet ... I want to be a writer! I often am so overwhelmed that I would just rather crawl into my bed and hide from it all. Why? Because ..... expectations that I put on myself are NOT healthy. I can't be all that I can be ~ if I am not even living up to being me. Can you?
I have set a goal for myself though. One is to continue to make the changes in my daily life that are increasing my vitality and health. Yesterday I strayed, and felt a sadness come over me immediately because I didn't really want to do that yet I gave into the voices that were telling me I was sinning if I didn't do it their way. Another goal is to finish this novel by the time we get out for school so I can either work on self publishing it or getting with a publisher. Six weeks of school are upon me. Six weeks!! Five weekends! This for me, means I have got to start dishing out some of my daily cleaning things to the kids and getting them to help me to free up some much needed time to sit and write. That is hard, but I know for six weeks it is going to be necessary to let go a bit.