This morning I want to share something deep and personal, and if that is not your thing, go ahead and click the little x up there and come back tomorrow for a post that might be more your speed. But in reality that is exactly why I am posting this today.
As you know I like to post the definition of the word first ~ before I get into my schpeal of the post on my heart.
Authentic means to be not false or copied; genuine or real.
I have NOT always lived my life in an authentic way. For years I censored myself to be more "fitting" into a box that people wanted me to be in. I can tell you I lived this way from the time I was young. Always wanting to please adults, and friends alike. Sometimes it was beneficial to me, other times it was very harmful. As I have became an adult I was able to let go a little bit and become a little bit of my own person. Doing what I wanted to for a career vs what others wanted me to do or be.
When I did that ~ I started to become my own person and in the process was taught many things that I was never exactly taught in a proper manner. I learned to let go just a little bit of the chains that I once was locked in. Chains that I often had the key to unlock at anytime, yet ... it didn't' feel safe to be me. I mean what would happen if all of a sudden my life was turned upside down because I wasn't the same anymore?
I am blessed though to not have lost too much in the process of becoming more genuine in my life and with those around me. And what I am learning is that the more genuine I am .. the more beautiful life is. I don't' have to worry about disappointing someone because well, if they are disappointed, then that isn't my "cross to bare" so to speak.
My mother in love ended up passing away on Monday morning (the day after I wrote this post) and I had never felt a hole in my heart like that before. The closest was when my own sister passed away suddenly a few years back. I tried to be the strong one to be there for my husband but i was left speechless, hurt, and feeling like my world just came crashing down.
She was much like my own mother for almost 22 years. In my genuine living, I was hurting deeply. As the week passed by, I began to feel guilty because I was supposed to be the strong one for my husband, and yet he had his own emotions to deal with plus mine. That is a lot!
Being the genuine creature I am .... I cry. I feel deeply. I think deeply. Heck I am deep. And I accept that! I love big, I laugh big, and for the first time in my life I am finally living big too. I want the last breath I take to be able to say "It's been a hell of a life!" ~ with all the excitement, joy, and fervor that I am now living.
Yesterday I watched I a video that I felt really challenged in living every day to the fullest and knowing that NONE of us are promised another breath, let alone another day. How horrible would it be to be living your life as an impostor ~ and never getting to experience true freedom, joy, and peace in living in such a genuine way.
Being genuine often means you live off the beaten path. It doesn't mean comparing your life to someone else's or vice versa. It means that when you get up in the morning the first words out of your mouth are "Thank YOU" and the last ones before you go to bed are "That was amazing!". It means taking the day and whatever it holds for the gift that it is, even if it is a painful and heartbreaking day. Losing my mother in love was hard ~ but we survived. And we were given the gift through the process to know how many people genuinely care about us. I have some amazing friends (who are more like family than I can say), family, and such a GREAT support system. I will never fear going through this process, because I know I will never go through it alone. They have all proven that to me and I am so blessed to know such amazing people.
Living authentic doesn't mean that I don't follow someone's schedule, for now my work schedule is determined by someone else. But .. can I tell you that I LOVE what I do, and I don't mind that? Sure, I write and plan a future behind the scenes, but for now I do what I love and in a place that I respect more and more every year. Living authentic means that I can laugh at the silly things that make me laugh and it is okay. It means that I can allow myself to be sensitive, and tender hearted and that's okay. It is who I am. I am simple .... it doesn't take much to please me.
Stop living for others, living up to expectations that aren't meant for you and start truly living in the most authentic way you can. Do you know why? You are amazing just as you, and there is no one like you anywhere on this planet! That is enough to be all that yo are ~ completely and without fear of being true!