Monday, August 10, 2015

Motivation Monday: Confidence

I briefly shared on Friday about how God has been speaking to me about confidence, and how it's time to walk out from under that protective shell of insecurity and low esteem and embrace the beautiful life of walking in a confidence that can only come from Him.

Confidence is defined in many ways by many people. The kind of confidence I am speaking of is the state of feeling certain about the truth of something.

As a believer I have to be very careful to not get mixed in society's way of being "confident" and I have to always test it against where God is leading me in my beliefs as He is teaching me. I also realize that it is all in perspective and that is personal. No one can make you believe one way, but if allowed they can get your perspective to change. The rest is up to you.

Society's idea of confidence is often viewed as:
1. A power trip.
2. Thinking one is better than others.
3. Self Reliance
4. Not needing anyone/anything

As I have said, God has been working on my confidence. As a teacher. A woman. A writer. I realize that I have a lot to offer the world, and if I continue to let Him lead in how I share, what I share, and where I share than He will use it for His glory and in turn give me confidence to continue growing in the areas in which I have been led.

When I do speak to people on a personal level and we get to speaking about confidence and my lack there of, it is so hard from them to understand and for me to share without feeling like I just can't share all of the baggage that I carry around every single day.

Imagine seeing a dog in a yard tied to a tree. He's not tied to it with a rope, or even a simple chain. No, his owner wanted to make sure that the dog did not escape so he used a link chain that was the thickest he could find at the lumber store. That is me. And sadly, there are some parts of my past that hover over just like that owner... not wanting me to break free, to get out, and to never return.

I am working on those issues and while that happens, I MUST embrace the areas that God *IS* using to bring life changing things to others. It's not all about us ~ and sometimes we have to shake off the weight of that chain and just be great! We have to LET GO of the demons of the past. We must put to death those things that keep us from being genuine... from being who we are.

As I approach a new school year, I know that I am a dang good teacher. I am a good employee. I KNOW how to stay up under authority that God has put over me and knowing just how to do that HE protects me and keeps me safe, even from the demons from within.

I used to watch people who I could tell were confident and I wanted what they had. Not the life they had, but that power to not be so effected by judgement of others. Now, I realize that no matter what you are, who you are, someone is ALWAYS going to judge you for whatever reason there may be in their mind and heart to do so. I cannot waste one more iota of energy and mental emotion any longer. Judge me. I am not the person you think I am. The ones who *HAVE* gotten to know me... can tell you the same thing.

I have a long and lengthy dark past. It is a part of who I am and what has made me who I am today. I am done fighting it and embracing it in confidence that without it... I may just be a regular "normal" person.


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