This was the first year in so long that I wasn't so rush rush rush and go go go from the day before Thanksgiving until today (the Monday after Thanksgiving + Tuesday too). I have been really having an issue with I guess my sinuses ... though it's not enough to knock me completely off my feet it has indeed slowed me down some. Having some slow down time is GREAT if you feel like getting some things done, but having slow down time when your not feeling like doing anything and yet there is loads to get done... leads to not doing anything and really feeling guilty!
Here is the lesson I am learning today. And believe it or not it has taken me a LONG time to understand this concept and actually be able to accept it without concern. To top it off.... it is simple really! The whole thing I am fixing to day to you is really not monumental (unless your like me and you have gotten an "Aha" moment but in a small brief way it can be life changing.
The last few days I have felt defeated. That I can admit. Maybe my dreams are stupid and I am better off not spending the energy and time on them. Maybe .. just maybe I am nothing more than a preschool teacher. Maybe I have finally just decided that I should believe the one thing I have been told for the last few years as I desire to grow both in professionally as well as personally "You are too good in the classroom". I just feel like I am lost in a maze and no matter which way I turn, it leads to a dead end.
*sigh* I am weary. I am also emotional. And if I am to be 100% honest I am probably PMSing and this whole post is a prelude to what's in my future in the next day or two. But it's real.
One thing posting videos on YouTube has done is it has allowed me to be vulnerable and real and completely 100% open with anyone who desires to know more about me ~ or just some random stranger who happens to stumble upon my blog or youtube channel.
And there is not one ounce of doubt when it comes the fact that by being real, open, and honest I am also helping someone else feel like there is someone out there that can relate.
So here is what I am feeling. I am sharing it ... and then letting it go. :) What more can you do?
1. I wish I could see the fruit of all that I am spending time and energy on (even if just a tiny bit).
2. I am stressing about Christmas, Bills, and just plain $$$.
3. Can others still see that I continue to LOVE God with all that I am?
4. When will others see that I CAN be so much more without me having to fight for it myself? Perhaps I don't believe it enough myself for it to even matter to others.
5. I want to live beyond paycheck to paycheck! Like come on ... if I want a new pair of shoes, or even a haircut I don't want to have to cut corners somewhere else to do that.
Pulling on my Elsa dress, and going to sing the song of other weary peeps! LET IT GO!
Let it go, let it go
Can't hold you back anymore
Let it go, let it go
Turn my back and slam the door
No, I am NOT slamming the door on my dreams. But I am not going to choose to be held back anymore either. Get ready world ~ I am putting on my boots.. and ready to kick whatever gets in my way.
P.S. I know this is Tuesday.... but I needed to feel all that I felt today as strongly as I did to truly be able to write this post. Yesterday I got as far as where I posted the picture.