Monday, December 26, 2016
Christmas made me cry
I love Christmas! Every year, I prepare and enjoy every bit of it. Even this year, but seriously, this year it has made me cry. Not Christmas itself, but the emptiness that can sometimes be felt.
As a blogger and YouTuber it is so easy to get caught up in what everyone is doing and comparing your life to their's. My intention when I blog or share videos is never ever to get someone to compare their life with mine. We are not the same. Some of us may be going through similar things in our lives, may have similar beliefs, may even like a lot of the same thing, but there is not one person out there just like you. I love doing vlogs, and videos and I love blogging but as you guys know I have taken a huge hiatus in 2016 here on the blog itself.
Christmas was different for us in our house this year. We have had some unusual circumstances in our day to day lives, and to be completely honest, I would never have chosen them for our family. In fact I didn't. It was out of my control. 2016 has been a year of humility for me, one that could only come from a source bigger than myself to prove that no matter what I would have planned, chosen, or even dreamed up ... it can always be trumped by something larger than myself.
With that said, we were very humble in our giving this year. We wanted to give more and as a parent it hurt not being able to. When you see kids and even parents bragging and displaying their Christmas for all to see, you have to humble yourself and remind yourself that no matter what you did the best you could. See, our kids were huimbled to in their own way this Christmas. They are used to lavish gifts and many of them. This year, they had to be carefully picked and well thought out to get the most for what we could. BUT... to hear them say they loved the gifts they got and they were happy with their Christmas makes my heart hurt that much more. This time in a good way.
My precious family, we are close. The three teens, the husband and myself often spend a lot of time together and to be honest it is my favorite way to spend time. If I could be on a deserted island with just us five, life would be sweet. We wouldn't have to hear others complain about nonsense such as a gift not being exactly what they asked for, or even that dinner wasn't perfect. We wouldn't be exposed to unhappy people faking happiness through gift giving when they really would rather just be unhappy and alone.
As I watched some of my fellow youtubers share their Christmas via videos, I had made a stand that went against the grain. I didn't want to share those intimate moments. I didn't want someone to come across my Christmas morning video and think they were not enough or even that we were not enough. I didn't want the spirit of comparison to be confused with the spirit of Christmas. I didn't want anyone to confuse gift giving with greed. I didn't want anyone to assume we give gifts to others out of manipulation, but rather for the beauty of giving in itself. Whether the gift was wrapped in the best paper or newspaper it did not matter. See, Jesus ~ the greatest gift of all, was wrapped in swaddling cloths .. not the finest of blankets which he should have been.
Christmas made me cry. It made me cry for those who were alone. It made me cry for those who were surrounded by tons of people yet inside felt so alone. It made me cry for those who were given the gift of a lifetime, and for those who were forgotten. It made me cry for those who would not find happiness no matter what, and for those who tried to bring happiness to those they loved but it wasn't enough. Christmas made me cry this year, because so many have forgotten the true meaning behind the reason we have Christmas. Trust me, If I had a million dollars to spend on Christmas I would have but one thing would always remain. I remember that Christmas was about the celebration of a Universe (Man, Land, and Animal) for the birth of my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. I cried tears of joy, knowing that many years ago (probably not even in December) a sweet baby was born of a very scared virgin girl ~ who God equipped just perfectly as she was to be the mother of a King!
Christmas is a GREAT reminder of miracles. It is also a great reminder that we are often called to be something we have NO clue how to be... yet we too are equipped to do just that. You can be your very own walking, breathing Christmas miracle. It's a choice. This Christmas, I choose to walk in my calling, sharing something that is deep within me that can only come out in the gift of words ~ both written and spoken. It was my great calling and I have for months not been walking in that out of fear ~ that I was not enough. And just like Mary ~ I heard the voice of angels say "Do not be afraid! God is with you!" Christmas made me cry ~ because it in itself is a miracle that can only be accepted by the willing.
I know this is a day late, but ... from my home to yours ~ I wish you a VERY Merry Christmas!
P.S. There will be a HUGE update and Important Announcement tomorrow!